Life Is Beautiful

Hi, I’m Ess. This is my room. I rent my sister’s dining room for $250 a month right outside of San Francisco, California. I sleep on the floor, I like to own as little as possible. I grew up in this town, with my 4 brothers and 5 sisters. We were always very poor growing up, on food stamps and wearing only handy down clothes. I had a good childhood, for the most part.

 

We moved to Washington when I was 9, the 500 population town ended up being a cult. They accused my sister of being a lesbian and demon possessed and ended up shunning her. It was a pretty sucky experience. Except for me, I was pretty ignorant of it all, and just enjoyed the friendships I had built. We then moved back to home to CA. When I was 18 I moved out of my parents house. They got sucked into another cult. I couldn’t handle it, and I wasn’t about to wear skirts to my ankles and hide my elbows.

 

I found a place on craigslist. Don’t do this. If it looks cheap, and too good to be true, it is just that. Too good to be true. I rented a room for $500 a month in a meth heads house. 20 cats ran around, I would wake up in the mornings with shit in the bathtub when I wanted to shower. One day when I came home, all of the carpet in the front room had been torn out. Just because. Drugs. After hearing the owner of the place getting raped, I called the cops, then moved to my aunt and uncle’s place.

 

One morning, a few months after I had been living with my Aunt and Uncle, I had an epiphany. I was so brilliant I couldn’t contain myself. My whole body and mind lit up. I was going to live in my car. I wouldn’t have to rely on anyone, and I wouldn’t have to pay rent. It was perfect. So I got all my shit, put it in my car and drove it to the goodwill. I donated 97% of my stuff. Then I left a sweet and short note to my relatives saying that my friend and I had found an apartment and how thankful I was for them letting me stay. I lived in my car for 6 months, and didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.

 

If that sounds crazy to you, just wait. I once impulsively drove to Portland, my car broke and I got stranded before I even made it. My brother and Boyfriend at the time came and rescued me. I should have married that guy.

 

What I have told you isn’t even 10% of the shit I call my life so far. I am only 22 years old. I am legally married, in the process of a divorce.

 

I fucked up my life many times, and life fucked me up many times. I believe though, with all my heart, that every bad experience is just another work out at the gym. It makes you strong. It makes you who you are. I have seen a lot of bad shit, but I will show the world, that no matter what has happened or will happen to you, there is alway, always a reason to laugh, and always a reason to smile.

 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder last October. I have rapid cycling bipolar, if you’re not sure what that is, google it. haha, that’s my motto, when I die on my grave stone it is going to say, “Ess died… I don’t know, google it”. I also have general anxiety disorder. I’m not writing this to complain. I want you to know, so you come from a point of understanding. I know what it is to suffer. I have and do, every single day have a battle within me. But guess what, I fucking win that battle. So do you. If you are in a place right now where all you feel is despair, you are a winner. Because every single day, you wake up, and you are alive.

 

My goal for this blog is to get to know the sufferings of the world, and to get to know you. My goal is to be a full time traveler, so I can use my photography skills, my writing skills, and my love for people, to show you at home, that life. is. beautiful. 

 

-ess

 

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