Medication and the Munchies

This is ridiculous. I cannot stop eating. These munchies are more intense than the cravings I had when I was a 24hr stoner. Depakote is a mood stabilizer I am on for my disease, Bipolar Disorder. I know it is helping with the mania, but I really do not want to gain weight. I stepped on the scale the other day and I have already gained around 6 pounds in just a few months. For fucks sake, it’s always one step froward a few steps back with this whole getting well thing.

My doctor changed my dose from 2, 250mg pills, to 3, 250mg pills a day. Not only can the medication increased our appetite, Depakote can also slow down our metabolism. It sucks, but at the same time, not being on medication sucks.

Having Bipolar is not as simple as being diagnosed then shoving pills in your mouth. For one, many people have to try many different medications, and different variations of medication “cocktails” to see what works for their unique case. Everyone is different, regardless of their diagnosis. Everyone reacts differently to different medication and different doses. It is a very tricky, and sometimes dangerous game.

I am not completely satisfied with my Cocktail.  I am on Zoloft, Depakote, Gabapentin, and seroquel. Zoloft is an anti-depression, Depakote is my mood stabalizer, Gabapentin is well…idk really, my doctor gives it to me for my general anxiety so I take 300mg 3x a day, it is mostly prescribed for people with like physical pain so…. Then Seroquel is also a mood stabilizer and I take that if I have trouble sleeping or have anxiety.

I am going to talk to my doctor because I cannot gain any weight. I used to bulimic and force myself to eat close to nothing each day to lose weight. I am afraid if I gain weight I will go to those or close to those extremes again.

Anyways, here is just another day in the life of Ess. Bipolar, weird and full of issues, but living life to the fullest and ready to win at every corner. You show me a wall, I will crawl under, around, over or punch that mother fucker through to get to my goals. I love you. Have a great day and stay strong my friends xoxo

-Ess

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